1. |
This Party Sucks
01:51
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I’m driving and I’m nauseous
And I’m praying for a cigarette
My hands won’t take me home
Or pull me off the road yet
I’m staring at my bony knees
There’s really not much left of me
I’m just a shell of who I
Used to be
I don’t think I’m getting better
In fact, it’s probably worse
I’m trying just to hold myself
Together though there’s no one else
Who cares enough to tell me
I’m important and they miss me
I’m nauseous and I’m passing out
Lock the doors, I’m checking out
I’ll drive all night until I see the sun
So goodbye, have fun
I can’t muster up a single word
I’m trying not to hit the curb
I’m turning up the radio
And running out of energy
To face the faces of my friends
I’m running out of confidence
I’ll hit the bottle
Then I’ll hit the hay
I’m trying just to hold myself
Together though there’s no one else
Who cares enough to tell me
I’m important and they miss me
I’m nauseous and I’m passing out
Lock the doors, I’m checking out
I’ll drive all night until I see the sun
So goodbye, have fun
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2. |
Pass/Fail
02:09
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Not as smart as they said I was
I’m failing all my classes
Drinking, smoking cigarettes because
I can’t believe I was gonna be a doctor
Maybe I’d have even cured cancer but
I can’t find myself here at all
Everyone around me’s getting A’s
I really dropped the ball
Maybe I’m not cut out for this
They’re gonna find me somewhere
Not breathing while I’m lying in a ditch
Something just isn’t working here
Everything’s always been so clear
Something just isn’t working here
Packing up my things, getting out of here
Moving into a house with friends
I hope my scholarship will last
Long enough to pay my rent
I used to have some motivation
But that train has left the fucking station and
It left me stranded
Now I’m walking back home
Feel the blisters forming
Rubbing down to the bone
I’m gonna try to do my best
Who am I kidding
I’m just a fucking mess
Something just isn’t working here
Everything’s always been so clear
Something just isn’t working here
Packing up my things, getting the fuck out of here
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3. |
Bald Spot
02:24
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Sometimes my hair falls out
And every muscle in my body tends to ache
But that’s okay
I used to love myself
Now I’d do anything to throw my life away
Maybe some day that will change
I fucking hate myself
I am a crying screaming mass of human flesh
I'm just a mess
I have my fists up
I keep getting punched right in the mouth either way
But I’m okay
My nose is bleeding
I am just backed into a corner left to fear
Just why I'm here
Covered in bruises
From all the times I try to fight the thoughts away
I'm not okay
Tired of fighting
Ready to give up everything that I have left
I have to rest
I have a good life
I am a privileged fucking person, I can’t see
I don’t feel free
I am a piece of shit I and I deserve it all
I can’t stand tall
I am a burden
Can’t get a word in
I’m fucking hurting
I’m scared and I’m nauseous
No one should trust me
I can’t be cautious
I am so selfish
I can’t do the right thing
I think I’m rebellious
I’m so fucking tired
I can’t feel desired
I can’t be rewired
Sometimes my hair falls out
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4. |
:(
02:34
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Sometimes I ask myself
Why do I even try
when nothing feels right
and i never feel at home
I always drive a wedge
between my friends and i
even though they do not know it
i try not to show myself
sometimes i ask myself
why do i cry at night
i should enjoy the life i lead
cause things are going good
when i look inside
all i see is dust
from something gone so long ago
i left myself to rust
still i try to laugh
and see myself in light
as a human not a monster
something worth a lifelong fight
i try to understand
the good that others see
i’ll bare the pain from bloody lips
and scraped up knees
but I’m so tired
i can’t help feeling like a liar
cause i could have it so much worse
exaggerating my self-worth
rich white kid from nassau county
i’m nothing life goes on without me
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5. |
Losing Teeth
01:26
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Crashed my car
Failed a test
Fuck the world
I’m a mess
Losing sleep
Losing teeth
Losing friends
I’m losing me
Give me drugs
Give me booze
Give me something
Else to lose
Losing my mind
Every day
It’s okay
I’m okay
I hate myself
I hate myself
I hate myself
I hate myself
Whoa x a billion
Weeks and weeks
Going by
Promise myself
That I’ll try
Giving up
Passing out
Living my life
Full of doubt
I’ll ever make it
Past this stage
I’ll find something
Else to blame
Nauseas feeling
Petrified
I’m gonna die
I wanna die
I hate myself
I hate myself
I hate myself
I hate myself
Whoa x a billion
I hate myself
I hate myself
I hate myself
I hate myself
Whoa x a billion
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6. |
Untitled
01:33
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God my lungs are burning but there's nothing left to lose
I'll still take another hit and then I'll try to sing the blues
The world is full of questions but the answers don't exist
So I'll keep having temper tantrums, live my life like this
Tell myself I'll never be successful being me
Make myself an actor, but pretend I'm living free
I'll always be a second rate and lonely piece of shit
But I'll keep myself afloat as long as I will still exist
My friends tell me I'm nice and that they like me all the same
Even though I'm horrible and I'm always to blame
For everything that happens to the people that I love
And I can't fight the feeling that I'll never be enough
My heart is never in it, but I study til I'm dead
I still can't rip self-hatred from the inside of my head
And though it's not that funny I still laugh about my heart
And the fact that I can feel it beating even in the dark
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7. |
You Okay, Dude?
01:44
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Dinner after midnight
Same clothes as yesterday
I haven't made my bed in weeks
Skin is looking grey
Shower with my socks on
Living for the now
Taking shots at 10 AM
Never wonder how
And it's this messy kind of sadness
That makes it all okay
There is comfort in the chaos
When I am standing in the rain
Wake and bake each morning
Go right back to sleep
Never feeling rested
Having never counted sheep
Rug burns from the carpet
Scabs from scratching hard
Blisters on my feet from walking
Never going far
And it's this messy kind of sadness
That makes it all okay
There is comfort in the chaos
When I am standing in the
Make some tea each morning
Forget until its dark
Lying on the grass
Try to recognize the stars
Screaming into nothing
Forget about the past
Moving past the fact that
I'm not built to last
And it's this messy kind of sadness
That makes it all okay
There is comfort in the chaos
When I am standing in the rain
It's this messy kind of sadness
That makes it all okay
There is comfort in the chaos
When I am standing in the rain
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8. |
Sorry (Fried Noodles)
02:33
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Every day I can feel myself sinking
Under everything I’m thinking about
I feel like I’m putting bricks into my backpack
Getting further from the surface, down and out
Every day I can feel myself drowning
And I stubbornly insist that I’m okay
I feel like I’m getting fine with all the water
That is filling both my lungs up all the way
And oh, I know that I can stop it
But what makes you think I’m gonna try?
Cause trying takes some effort
And I’m sorry, but I’m tired
And I’m so uninspired
And I’m sorry just so sorry that
Every day I just think about dying
And I know that it’s hard for you to hear
I feel like it’s getting to the point where
I’m cliche and I just want to disappear
Every day I can’t hear myself thinking
And I just continue sinking because I
I feel like everything should make me happy
But still one day I will have to say goodbye
Every day I can feel my bones breaking
Every risk that I am taking won’t pay off
I feel like I am losing all ambition
And I’ll always be a stubborn deadly cough
And oh, I know that I can stop it
But what makes you think I’m gonna try?
Cause trying takes some effort
And I’m sorry, but I’m tired
And I’m so uninspired
And I’m sorry just so sorry that
I live in a constant state of fear and misery
Do you miss me anymore?
And I don't even notice
When it hurts anymore
Anymore
Anymore
Anymore
I live in a constant state of fear and misery
Do you miss me anymore?
And I don't even notice
When it hurts anymore
Anymore
Anymore
Anymore
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