1. |
||||
Staring at myself I can’t see
What everybody else seems to recognize in me
They see kindness, they see love
They see someone good enough
And I hope that they know I’m sorry
Can’t seem to forget the past
Even though everything moves way too fast
There’s no comfort in the sense
That I’ll never be alone
And no safety within the word “home”
Can’t stand the sound of my voice
Wouldn’t choose to hear it if I had a choice
What if others think the same
And they just can’t take aim
So I have to shoot myself in the face
I hate how I can’t be left alone
I hate how I feel uncomfortable when talking on the phone
Like everyone is judging me
And I just keep pretending that
I’m not just scared and sorry
I’m terrified, I’ve said it now, I mean it
I’m miserable and stuck inside a tar pit
I’ve been searching for the words
To finally get heard
I’ve done it now, I’m finished, I quit
|
||||
2. |
7:52 PM 8/26/16
01:45
|
|||
Help me
I’m so stupid
I don’t know what else to do
I’m still stubborn and uncool but won’t you
Take me
To the doctor
My stomach’s aching hard
I’ve been ignoring it so far but now I
Need someone to force a meal
Don’t stop no matter how I say I feel
I am
I am greasy
Haven’t washed my hair in days
And I’m starting to decay but I still
Hope you
Hope you like me
I need constant validation
Oh please god don’t make me show my face in—
Need someone to help me out
To help me do away with all my doubt
Can’t you
Stop thinking of me
I cause chaos in my wake
Please stop now, it’s not too late and I still
Wanna
Say I’m sorry
Please I miss you staying near
I don’t wanna live in feel but I still
Need someone to get me high
Please, oh my god, it helps me deal with life
Need someone to let me go
To teach me that I need to learn and grow
|
||||
3. |
||||
I'm not here
Just passing year to year
The holidays have come to pass
And I'll just disappear
I'm alone
Deep in outer space
NASA don't got nothin on
The look upon my face
And I'm
Not telling you
Just what I'm thinking of
Bringing down the room again
Just like the stars above
Twinkle twinkle
Little star
I'm nothing like I thought I was
I think I've gone too far
Take me away
Abduct me now, today
Let me start my life again
A thousand miles away
Daydreaming's all I've got
It's what I want to do
The only thing that makes me smile
An outside point of view
Take me away
Abduct me now, today
Let me start my life again
A thousand miles away
Take me away
Abduct me now, today
Let me start my life again
A thousand miles away
|
||||
4. |
Fuck Off
01:26
|
|||
Punch me
Kick me
Slap me
As long as it’ll hurt
I don’t care what you do
Fight me
Fight me
Fuck me up, don’t stop me
I might cry but it’s not because of you
Don’t try to give me a fucking explanation
I know I’m drunk and you are too
I need this so please let
It happen once or twice and
Don’t stop ’til I’m black and blue
Punch me
Kick me
Slap me
As long as it’ll hurt
I don’t care what you do
Fight me
Fight me
Fuck me up, don’t stop me
I might cry but it’s not because of you
Don’t patronize me
I know it’s cold but I won’t put my
Shirt on until it’s done
Someone’s gotta fight me and don’t
Hold them back until I’ve made it
Clear that they’ve certainly won
Punch me
Kick me
Slap me
As long as it’ll hurt
I don’t care what you do
Fight me
Fight me
Fuck me up, don’t stop me
I might cry but it’s not because of you
Fight me
Fight me
Fuck me up, don’t stop me
I might cry but it’s not because of you
|
||||
5. |
I'm a Tool
01:11
|
|||
I don’t care about your feelings, baby
You can’t see
You can stay around and wonder
If it’s meant to be
I don’t give a damn if you are crying honey
I’m a wreck
This ship is sinking fast and I suggest you
Jump off deck
Oh I realize that I’m pathetic
But I’m not a reason to cry
I’m not a sad ASPCA commercial
I cheat and lie
Don’t drive five hours to see me
Stay in school
I’m not worth it this is not a test, yeah
I’m a tool
|
||||
6. |
||||
Nothing makes me feel
Less independent than when
I’m told I don’t deserve
The freedom that I’ve been given
Nothing makes me happy
Maybe that’s because
I don’t know what I want
And I’m full of fucking flaws
I don’t think I can be alone
I don’t think I’ll ever feel at home
I don’t think I can be alone
I don’t think I’ll ever feel at home
Nothing makes me feel
More like a child than
Digging nails into my palms
And trying not to cry
I’m an adult and
Adults don’t do that shit
Shut up, sit down, don’t make a scene
Stop acting like you’re still thirteen
I don’t think I can be alone
I don’t think I’ll ever feel at home
I don’t think I can be alone
I don’t think I’ll ever feel at home
Nothing makes me feel
As though I’m worth it and I’m
Living my life to the fullest
Like I’ll ever be the coolest
Everything I do
I second guess myself
And make myself feel like I’m garbage
Like I have no fucking leverage
I don’t think I can be alone
I don’t think I’ll ever feel at home
I don’t think I can be alone
I don’t think I’ll ever feel at home
I don’t think I can be alone
I don’t think I’ll ever feel at home
I don’t think I can be alone
I don’t think I’ll ever feel at home
|
||||
7. |
My Bad
01:24
|
|||
I am not the person you think I am
Dude my bad
I can’t read a word off your face
I’m unhelpful and selfish and
Terrible, stupid
And don’t think at all
I’m sorry, I know it
I wish I could show you that
I’m
I’m a dick
I can’t think of others
I can’t think at all and it’s
Wrong
That’s not it
I can’t find the words but
I’m letting you know that
I am not the person you think I am
Sorry I can’t seem
To get some things right
And you have to tell me like
twelve million times
I’m sorry,
I’m listening
I can’t help but checking my phone
This conversation's boring me and
I’m
I’m a dick
I can’t think of others
I can’t think at all and it’s
Wrong
That’s not it
I can’t find the words but
I’m letting you know that
I am not the person you think I am
|
||||
8. |
Oh.
01:09
|
|||
I'm a jealous motherfucker
And I know I shouldn't be
Because people should choose someone else
Instead of choosing me
I'm a really selfish person
I just want to be the best
But I know i can't and that's because
I'm 90% stress
I can't stand to see the sight of someone
Faking that they care
But I do it all the time I really
Know it and I swear
That whenever I seem happy
It's a filthy fucking lie
Causing I'm always fucking nauseous
And I always wanna die
I wanna die
I'm an artist no I fake it
I repeat myself all day
I tell the same sad stories
In the same pathetic way
When I'm sober I am boring
When I'm drunk I talk too much
When I'm stoned I finally like myself
I shouldn't just because
I'm a filthy fucking liar
I think I'm nice when I am not
And I only feel like I can talk
When I am smoking pot
And whenever I seem happy
It's a filthy fucking lie
Causing I'm always fucking nauseous
And I always wanna die
I wanna die
|
||||
9. |
Golden Gate
01:36
|
|||
Jump
What’s the worst that could happen
Jump
What’s the worst that could happen
There’s nothing here for you
Everyone is leaving
You’re gonna fuck this up
Conscience receding
God you’re an adult
Don’t act like you’re cooler than
Everyone you meet
On the scene or the street
Jump
What’s the worst that could happen
Jump
What’s the worst that could happen
No one here wants you
Don’t start conversation
Say something wrong again
Mental flirtation
You’re a damn pussy
Can’t even see it
Crying in your room again
Assume you don’t have any friends, so
Jump
What’s the worst that could happen
Jump
What’s the worst that could happen
Nothing to lose so
You’re better off losing it
Stand in the corner
Just fucking quit
You’re not making effort
Content just to stand around
Just stay sad that’s fucking fine
You’re wasting all my fucking time so
Jump
What’s the worst that could happen
Jump
What’s the worst that could happen
Jump
What’s the worst that could happen
Jump
What’s the worst that could happen
|
||||
10. |
Whatever, Dude
01:14
|
|||
Morning, wake up feeling shitty
Mirror, look, I don't feel pretty
Upstairs watch something on Netflix
I know I'll do something reckless
Dishes, not done, sink is filling
Try to make my life fulfilling
Don't know why, my muscles aching
Well, whatever, can't stop shaking
I'm so selfish
Pay attention to me
Nothing changes
I’m still sad and angry
Bony body, looking sickly
Feels like time just moves too quickly
Headache isn't disappearing
Just feel like I'm interfering
Write the same song fourteen times
Seems like so much work sometimes
Living like a temper tantrum
Fast and angry, no where to run
I'm so selfish
Pay attention to me
Nothing changes
I’m still sad and angry
Sit down, tears fall, what a child
Wanting hot, can't handle mild
Nothing's even going wrong
Always weak and never strong
Eating things just to survive
Doing things to pass the time
Can't find meaning, don't have pride
Well, whatever, nevermind.
|
||||
11. |
||||
I hate worrying about the future
Cause all my current problems are based around the past
And I hate when you call me late at night
Just to check in to make sure I got nothing to be sad about
But it's alright
And I'm okay
I won't need your help, anyway
Ah, well
I hate having to think about my future
When all I wanna do is worry about everyone but me
I'm so tired
Or maybe just bored
I can't really tell the difference whenever I'm talking to you
And I know that
You just adore
Starting off with me, that way that there's no way that I'll assume
That you're wasting
All of my time
To vent about your problems like how your Instagram stopped working
And how your friends
Bailed on you
But it was funny cause it was the day you were supposed to hang with me
(Yeah... about that...)
I'm guilty as charged for leading you on
A lie that I know is easy to see
But it's crucial to blot out any
Signs that I might have feelings
This way you don't ask me how am I
This way you won't force me to proceed
With actually having to tell you my worries
With actually having you give a damn about me
You giving a damn about
I hate worrying about the future
Cause all my fucking problems are based around the past
And I hate when you call me late at night
Just to check in to make sure I got nothing to be sad about
But it's alright
And I'm okay
I won't need your help anyway
Ah, well
I hate having to think about my future
When all I wanna do is worry about everyone but me
|
||||
12. |
Spite
03:14
|
|||
Feels like I am choking here
And nothing could be less clear
When I am lost inside my head
And I’m starting to disappear
Cause nothing I say is right
And I’m wasting all your time
I guess maybe mom was right
I’m living out of spite
I'm living out of spite
I’m nothing but a mix
Of tropes that people give me
I’m so lonely and I’m sorry but
This time I just can’t fix
Whatever is going on
I’m looking for just something
To hold on to, to look forward but
I don’t know what I want
I don't know what I want
I’m just passing through
A face you might remember \
Maybe fondly if I stick around
A darker point of view
I guess I’m never gonna feel
A place where I belong so I should
Pack it up and leave us
Jesus, satan take the wheel
Satan take the wheel
So I won’t text you back
You can have a second chance
I know it hurts, I’m sorry
Please cut me some slack
I can’t be cold as ice
But I can be hard as steel
And I can fake it, here’s a smile and
Here’s how I feel
Here's how I feel
So if anybody asks, tell them I’m doing fine and I can
Make it through the weekend I can walk the fucking line
I’m okay to drive home, I promise I’ll be fine
And maybe if I’m not, well, sorry, maybe it’s a sign
I don’t believe in God, but hell’s already here
Keep saying “Maybe next week”, then remember it’s been a year
I’m not saying that I’m sad, but I’m saying that I’m scared
I’m living in the woods and I didn’t come prepared
I didn't come prepared
I didn't come prepared
|
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